Thank you to all who have commented and offered your support and prayers. I love to hear from you and I like to know who is actually checking out the blog, and it is always nice to know that people care and are praying for you, especially at a time like this.

I'm not going to lie to you - it isn't getting easier with time. I miss him every second of every day. Losing a child is hard to overcome because you are reminded constantly of what you no longer have. Every time I look in the mirror I SEE that he isn't with me, everytime I sit down or lay down I FEEL that he isn't in me kicking and poking at me anymore, and everytime I put my hand on my stomach I know he is gone. Not to mention my body is going through all the changes that one goes through after giving birth. That hasn't been easy and seems rather cruel.

Then there are all the other reminders of a child I am missing. The room that was for him which is now empty and the things we'd gotten for him and were given to us for him. Every time I turn on the tv there are commercials and shows that have babies.... Then, the few times I've gone out in public there are pregnant ladies and babies and small children everywhere. This makes me think of all the things I won't get to do with my son. My heart is broken into a million pieces - I miss my little Caleb so much.

I look into my husband's eyes and I see the sadness and it makes me even more sad because I hate to see him hurting so much. He absolutely LOVES children and would have made an exceptionally good father to Caleb. Instead his hopes and dreams for the future were taken away in an instant and I hate that that has happened to him. I wanted to give him a child and a life he'd always dreamed of and I feel like I have failed him and hurt him so much. I love him more than anyone else in this world and I wish there was something I could do to make this better, but I can't.

I don't know what to do or how to get through this. I do not understand why God would chose to take our child, a child who is loved so much and wanted so much. All I know is that Caleb was obviously a very, very special little boy and God must have his reasons for taking him so soon. He is our little Angel now.

This is a poem I found on the web the other day that I really liked.


I Am Still a Mommy
by Dawn Machado
I am still a Mommy, I was a Mommy from the start.
What makes me a Mommy is that feeling in my heart.
Pregnant I was, there was a baby inside me.
For some Mommys all it takes is to know, they have planted that seed.
There is a bond that takes place from the moment that you know.
Inside of your body someone special has started to grow.
My baby didn't make it, he is in Heaven up above.
In my heart I'm still his Mommy, I am filled with endless love.
Something happens to a woman when her seedling starts to grow.
Unless you have felt these feelings it is impossible to know.
He meant the world to me and I will never be the same.
All I need is for you to listen when I wish to say his name.
He may be gone but he's not forgotten, I miss him each and every day.
Could you imagine that it would be any other way?
What kind of Mommy would I be if I forgot my son?
I had planned my whole life around him,all the great things we would have done.
I may have another child, possibly another two.
There is something I know for certain, he will always be my first child,my son, and I his Mommy too.