The three of us on September 22, 2006

We got the pictures that the hospital had taken of Caleb...this is us with our precious little angel.

We love you Caleb.....you are always and forever in our hearts.

Elliptical trainer

Well here you have it - the first edition to our home gym. The Elliptical trainer.
I loved the elliptical at the gym where I've gone for the last two years. It's time for me to start losing this extra weight - This is a good place to start!

Thank you to all who have commented and offered your support and prayers. I love to hear from you and I like to know who is actually checking out the blog, and it is always nice to know that people care and are praying for you, especially at a time like this.

I'm not going to lie to you - it isn't getting easier with time. I miss him every second of every day. Losing a child is hard to overcome because you are reminded constantly of what you no longer have. Every time I look in the mirror I SEE that he isn't with me, everytime I sit down or lay down I FEEL that he isn't in me kicking and poking at me anymore, and everytime I put my hand on my stomach I know he is gone. Not to mention my body is going through all the changes that one goes through after giving birth. That hasn't been easy and seems rather cruel.

Then there are all the other reminders of a child I am missing. The room that was for him which is now empty and the things we'd gotten for him and were given to us for him. Every time I turn on the tv there are commercials and shows that have babies.... Then, the few times I've gone out in public there are pregnant ladies and babies and small children everywhere. This makes me think of all the things I won't get to do with my son. My heart is broken into a million pieces - I miss my little Caleb so much.

I look into my husband's eyes and I see the sadness and it makes me even more sad because I hate to see him hurting so much. He absolutely LOVES children and would have made an exceptionally good father to Caleb. Instead his hopes and dreams for the future were taken away in an instant and I hate that that has happened to him. I wanted to give him a child and a life he'd always dreamed of and I feel like I have failed him and hurt him so much. I love him more than anyone else in this world and I wish there was something I could do to make this better, but I can't.

I don't know what to do or how to get through this. I do not understand why God would chose to take our child, a child who is loved so much and wanted so much. All I know is that Caleb was obviously a very, very special little boy and God must have his reasons for taking him so soon. He is our little Angel now.

This is a poem I found on the web the other day that I really liked.


I Am Still a Mommy
by Dawn Machado
I am still a Mommy, I was a Mommy from the start.
What makes me a Mommy is that feeling in my heart.
Pregnant I was, there was a baby inside me.
For some Mommys all it takes is to know, they have planted that seed.
There is a bond that takes place from the moment that you know.
Inside of your body someone special has started to grow.
My baby didn't make it, he is in Heaven up above.
In my heart I'm still his Mommy, I am filled with endless love.
Something happens to a woman when her seedling starts to grow.
Unless you have felt these feelings it is impossible to know.
He meant the world to me and I will never be the same.
All I need is for you to listen when I wish to say his name.
He may be gone but he's not forgotten, I miss him each and every day.
Could you imagine that it would be any other way?
What kind of Mommy would I be if I forgot my son?
I had planned my whole life around him,all the great things we would have done.
I may have another child, possibly another two.
There is something I know for certain, he will always be my first child,my son, and I his Mommy too.

Bragg Creek

We went to Bragg Creek today to go for a walk. Figured we should get out of the house for a bit. It was a beautiful day and fairly warm (+10ish). Here are a few pics. Enjoy.

Happy Belated Birthday Dad!

It was my father's 62nd birthday on October 16th. We had a dinner for him with our friends Ron & Ed. Here are a few pictures.
Love you Dad!

Our Angel

Our son, Caleb Michael Coombs passed away on September 22, 2006. The umbillical cord twisted so many times that it cut off the circulation and he passed away. It's called "Torsion of the umbillical cord" and is apparently very rare. He was two days shy of 27 weeks. I went through 15 hours of very painful labor as the different meds just weren't working right. By the time they got the epidural working properly, and within an hour or so, Caleb was born. All of that and our precious little angel was gone. We held Caleb and had him blessed and were in awe of how handsome he was. He was the perfect little boy with perfect little hands and little feet and his little face was adorable. It breaks our hearts to think that our beautiful little boy is gone. The past week hasn't been easy. But we are taking it a step at a time. On Tuesday we went to the funeral home to see him one last time and to wrap him in a blanket we'd gotten him. On Wednesday we had the graveside service at 1PM. The Pastor did a beautiful job. After the graveside service we packed up our stuff and headed to BC for some away time. We arrived home last night and today we are tidying up. We will start calling family members as soon as we are up for it.

An Angel Never Dies:

Don't let them say I wasn't born, that something stopped my heart.

I felt each tender squeeze you gave, I've loved you from the start.

Although my body you can't hold, it doesn't mean I'm gone.

This world was worthy not of me, God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul.

What you are forced to face.

You have my word, I'll find your arms, someday we will embrace.

You'll hear that it was "meant to be"...

"God doesn't make mistakes".

But that won't soften your worst blow, or make your heart not ache.

I'm watching over all you do, another child you'll bear.

Believe me when I say to you that I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you, when you will hold my hand,

Stroke my face and kiss my lips, and then you'll understand.

Although I never breathed your air, or gazed into your eyes,

That doesn't mean I never "was"

An Angel never dies.

One Room Done!

YAY - tonight the boys (Mark & Ron) finished the yellow room. It looks really nice. Way to go boys!!!!

YAY!

We found some really nice laminate flooring and would you believe - not only was it nice but it was also the CHEAPEST in the store!!! We got a really good deal on it and bought enough for all three bedrooms upstairs that way the flooring would match and all that when we go to sell the house in a few years. It's such a nice colour and the contrast between the two floors is really nice. Mark and our friend Ron will probably start installing it during the evenings this week - if they feel up to it.

On Wednesday

This last Wednesday we met up with a gal from my highschool, Rebecca. It had been 8 years since we saw eachother too and it was really good to see her. She is such a sweetheart and has led a very interesting life thusfar. She has been traveling the world and taught in Korea and has had many cool experiences.

Thanks for having dinner with us Becca!

Update:

We have started work on two of the rooms upstairs. The yellow room used to be our computer room and will now be a guest bedroom and the blue room is going to be Caleb's room. The carpet that was in the bedrooms were very stinky due to Rocco using the carpet as his own personal bathroom. And it already had a faint smell from the cats that used to live in the house before we bought it. So - the carpet gone as you can see. It would not have been very healthy for the baby!!

We are now looking for laminate flooring. We already have laminate throughout the dining room, living room & hallway and can't find any to match so we are looking for something to contrast the two floors. We found some at Rona BUT have to wait two weeks before they get another shipment. We are going to look around at a few places today to see if there is any other we could get. We would like to get this done sooner rather than later as the contents of the rooms are cluttering up the rest of the house. Wish us luck!!!!