Well yesterday was Caleb's due date. I miss my boy. Funny how a date on the calendar can do weird things to people. I didn't let it affect me because I kept myself compltely busy the whole day...cleaning, going shopping, going for dinner with Mark, and going out with my friend, Gary.
I was asked if I was more upset yesterday and well I guess I can't answer honestly because I anticipated that I would be more sad and so I just kept busy so that I didn't have a chance to think about it!
So perhaps the real answer would be yes I was more upset yesterday but didn't want to allow myself to feel that so I avoided it by keeping busy. That is the only way I am able to keep on going because I am so frigin sensitive about everything and the only way I've kept on these last few months was to keep busy and not allow myself to think about my son. Right now I am thinking about him and I am sad. But I need to get dinner cooked and I have other chores to do and so I have no time to think about that. I can't let myself I can't be taking any more trips to BC to "get away" so I'd best just keep on going. Perhaps someday we will be lucky enough to start a family.
My friend, Natasha, must have had her baby by now. I know I told you Judy, when you were here - Natasha was due a week before me. It was so neat to go thru 6 months of my pregnancy with a dear friend and then we lost track..... and I've been a shitty friend cuz I've hardly spoken to her at all. I should give her a call though to make sure she and baby are doing okay......................
K well enough babbling for now.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Posted by Care at Saturday, January 13, 2007
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3 comments:
peace and rest, Carrie
hi, well as I said, it wil take time, and I think it was good for you t get away, it did you good...yes when you go away , you still have to come back to the same thing, but as time goes on, maybe you will have more children, that also will take time, you say your keeping busy, thats a great way too, When you write your blogs, I can see a difference evertime you write, for the better, you are a very thoughtful and caring person , and things will start to look good again.....hugs Linda
You are not a shitty friend! You are just a better friend to yourself right now, and that's what you should be! She'll understand... a good friendship will continue after a pauze. How were you supposed to show interest in her last 3 months, when you are still fully mourning yourself.
Everything has it's own timing, honey. You'll be ready to pick up the phone one day. Don't do it because you think other people might not like you anymore...
Did I ever tell you I love the name Caleb?
Jess
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