Grey's Anatomy

I've heard on many occasions that Grey's Anatomy is a really good show and I should watch it some time...

Tonight I watched it.

The show had a couple on there who were pregnant. I guess the woman fell or something and she broke her wrist and .... her baby was STILLBORN too.

First they showed the ultrasound with the baby not moving just as I saw my baby not moving. That picture will be forever in my memory. Then the horrible words confirm what you can see..I'm so sorry your baby is dead..

The next thing you see is the girl giving birth to her baby and crying and her husband holding her...that took me right back to the moment that Caleb was born.

The nurse hands the couple their baby and they just cling to eachother and hold the baby close as they sob.

What a bittersweet moment that is. Holding your precious child in your arms but your baby isn't breathing and never will. Oh how I miss my son. I miss my boy.

All in all Grey's Anatomy is a good show. I am glad I watched it.

I am doing better and finally able to get out of the house a bit BUT it's so easy for me to get thrown back into this place of sadness and dispair. And I still am not very comfortable around a lot of people.

I've been trying to keep myself busy with baking and cleaning and putting pictures in albums and that sort of thing but as the weeks pass it's also getting harder..Christmas will be here soon and we were supposed to be anticipating the arrival of Caleb on January 12th...

I just want the next several weeks to pass by quickly because I don't know that i can truly move on until that part is over. I am not looking forward to the holiday season. We will be alone like we always are, it sucks that we don't have any family here. Cliff and Lori go to her Aunt's place and my sister goes to her boyfriends parents place so it's just Mark, Dad and I. Oh well perhaps it's better that way this year. I am thankful that my Dad is here to share Christmas with.

On a brighter note....I made a lot of cookies yesterday and today I cleaned up the house and Mark and I did our Costco shopping this evening so that means we will have the entire weekend to hang out together without having to worry about anything. I think we are going to make pizza again tomorrow. I love homemade pizza! I am so glad that Dad convinced us to purchase a breadmaker. Fresh bread is waaay better than store bought and homemade pizza dough is much better too!

Okay - bedtime. G'nite.

Anne of Green Gables

Some of you probably already know this but Anne of Green Gables is my favourite movie. I just finished watching it again. I faithfully watch it twice a year...spring & fall. I LOVE IT!

Last night I was on a website about the movie and would you know it - there is a 20th Anniversary Collectors edition of Anne coming out on Nov 15 and I PRE-ORDERED it!!





This 5-DVD set includes:

• All 3 Anne of Green Gables films
• One-Hour of New Documentaries: L.M. Montgomery's Island and Kevin Sullivan’s Classic featuring new cast and crew interviews
• Missing Scenes
• Lost Footage
• The missing Green Gables episode "Marilla Cuthbert’s Death"
  

That will be nice to have *grin* Oh how I LOVE Anne :-)

I love the gorgeous scenery and would love to live in a place with beautiful fields, trees, and water. I love the lives that they lead and how close everyone is - how open, honest, caring and hardworking they all are. They build strong life-long friendships and their love and devotion is amazing.

That is what gets me the most and what I am missing the most in my own life. Nowadays it's difficult to keep up with family and friends when we seem to be forever pressured into doing more things and the busy ness causes rifts between people. That and we all live so darn far away from eachother!

I would love to live in a setting very similar to the one of Green Gables Who knows - someday maybe we will. After all, neither of us want to stay in the city for much longer. There are good things about being in a city but for the most part a city is just a big, busy, uncaring place with endless houses and concrete and people. There isn't a moments peace.

Anytime I need to be reminded of how beautiful life can be I just pop in the movie!

I just re-read this and you may get the wrong impression - life here isn't bad. You get used to the city after awhile. And besides, home is where the heart is and my heart is always and forever with Mark.

This weekend has been fairly quiet for us.
Yesterday Mark worked on the dog house that we got for Lucky. It needed to be insulated so that is what he worked on. The house is done and Lucky likes it.
Last night our friend, Ron, came over for dinner. We ordered from our favourite East Indian restaurant called "Glory of India." We all had the butter chicken which is an absolutely delishious dish - my favourite!!!
After dinner we watched a movie and chatted for a bit before Ron headed home.
Today we lounged around watching tv, did some laundry, took stuff to the recycling place and made pizza which is almost ready.

Last night I pulled a muscle in my back and it was so very painful that we went to the ER to get something for it because I couldn't lay down, sit up or walk without it being so very sore. Well, after waiting quite awhile we finally got in to see the doctor and because I had a baby recently, they decided to er on the side of caution and test me for a bunch of stuff to make sure that it wasn't anything more serious than a pulled muscle. So, I had a bunch of bloodwork done, x-rays and an ECG. After a few hours the results were all in and everything was okay.

During the looong waiting period they'd given me Tylenol and then Percocet which did help a little bit.

After the doctor had given me the final okay to go home....I was getting dressed when the nurse just walked in without any warning and I yanked my shirt back on...well I pulled ANOTHER MUSCLE! This time I couldn't hardly stand it, it hurt so bad.

The doctor came in again and suggested a shot of Morphine which I basically had no choice but to take.

The doctor administered the shot and I had to wait 20 minutes before I could go home. THANK GOD the shot worked! I could walk again and...I was so doped up and out of it. It actually felt so good to feel NOTHING! Oh i was so thankful to that Doctor for giving me the good stuff!!!

Mark thought it was pretty amusing though because I was talking a little funny and looked "weird".

Anyway we got home at 7am and went straight to bed and slept until noon.

And it was a bonus that Mark took the day off - YAY bonus time with my husband :-) :-)

The three of us on September 22, 2006

We got the pictures that the hospital had taken of Caleb...this is us with our precious little angel.

We love you Caleb.....you are always and forever in our hearts.

Elliptical trainer

Well here you have it - the first edition to our home gym. The Elliptical trainer.
I loved the elliptical at the gym where I've gone for the last two years. It's time for me to start losing this extra weight - This is a good place to start!

Thank you to all who have commented and offered your support and prayers. I love to hear from you and I like to know who is actually checking out the blog, and it is always nice to know that people care and are praying for you, especially at a time like this.

I'm not going to lie to you - it isn't getting easier with time. I miss him every second of every day. Losing a child is hard to overcome because you are reminded constantly of what you no longer have. Every time I look in the mirror I SEE that he isn't with me, everytime I sit down or lay down I FEEL that he isn't in me kicking and poking at me anymore, and everytime I put my hand on my stomach I know he is gone. Not to mention my body is going through all the changes that one goes through after giving birth. That hasn't been easy and seems rather cruel.

Then there are all the other reminders of a child I am missing. The room that was for him which is now empty and the things we'd gotten for him and were given to us for him. Every time I turn on the tv there are commercials and shows that have babies.... Then, the few times I've gone out in public there are pregnant ladies and babies and small children everywhere. This makes me think of all the things I won't get to do with my son. My heart is broken into a million pieces - I miss my little Caleb so much.

I look into my husband's eyes and I see the sadness and it makes me even more sad because I hate to see him hurting so much. He absolutely LOVES children and would have made an exceptionally good father to Caleb. Instead his hopes and dreams for the future were taken away in an instant and I hate that that has happened to him. I wanted to give him a child and a life he'd always dreamed of and I feel like I have failed him and hurt him so much. I love him more than anyone else in this world and I wish there was something I could do to make this better, but I can't.

I don't know what to do or how to get through this. I do not understand why God would chose to take our child, a child who is loved so much and wanted so much. All I know is that Caleb was obviously a very, very special little boy and God must have his reasons for taking him so soon. He is our little Angel now.

This is a poem I found on the web the other day that I really liked.


I Am Still a Mommy
by Dawn Machado
I am still a Mommy, I was a Mommy from the start.
What makes me a Mommy is that feeling in my heart.
Pregnant I was, there was a baby inside me.
For some Mommys all it takes is to know, they have planted that seed.
There is a bond that takes place from the moment that you know.
Inside of your body someone special has started to grow.
My baby didn't make it, he is in Heaven up above.
In my heart I'm still his Mommy, I am filled with endless love.
Something happens to a woman when her seedling starts to grow.
Unless you have felt these feelings it is impossible to know.
He meant the world to me and I will never be the same.
All I need is for you to listen when I wish to say his name.
He may be gone but he's not forgotten, I miss him each and every day.
Could you imagine that it would be any other way?
What kind of Mommy would I be if I forgot my son?
I had planned my whole life around him,all the great things we would have done.
I may have another child, possibly another two.
There is something I know for certain, he will always be my first child,my son, and I his Mommy too.

Bragg Creek

We went to Bragg Creek today to go for a walk. Figured we should get out of the house for a bit. It was a beautiful day and fairly warm (+10ish). Here are a few pics. Enjoy.

Happy Belated Birthday Dad!

It was my father's 62nd birthday on October 16th. We had a dinner for him with our friends Ron & Ed. Here are a few pictures.
Love you Dad!

Our Angel

Our son, Caleb Michael Coombs passed away on September 22, 2006. The umbillical cord twisted so many times that it cut off the circulation and he passed away. It's called "Torsion of the umbillical cord" and is apparently very rare. He was two days shy of 27 weeks. I went through 15 hours of very painful labor as the different meds just weren't working right. By the time they got the epidural working properly, and within an hour or so, Caleb was born. All of that and our precious little angel was gone. We held Caleb and had him blessed and were in awe of how handsome he was. He was the perfect little boy with perfect little hands and little feet and his little face was adorable. It breaks our hearts to think that our beautiful little boy is gone. The past week hasn't been easy. But we are taking it a step at a time. On Tuesday we went to the funeral home to see him one last time and to wrap him in a blanket we'd gotten him. On Wednesday we had the graveside service at 1PM. The Pastor did a beautiful job. After the graveside service we packed up our stuff and headed to BC for some away time. We arrived home last night and today we are tidying up. We will start calling family members as soon as we are up for it.

An Angel Never Dies:

Don't let them say I wasn't born, that something stopped my heart.

I felt each tender squeeze you gave, I've loved you from the start.

Although my body you can't hold, it doesn't mean I'm gone.

This world was worthy not of me, God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul.

What you are forced to face.

You have my word, I'll find your arms, someday we will embrace.

You'll hear that it was "meant to be"...

"God doesn't make mistakes".

But that won't soften your worst blow, or make your heart not ache.

I'm watching over all you do, another child you'll bear.

Believe me when I say to you that I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you, when you will hold my hand,

Stroke my face and kiss my lips, and then you'll understand.

Although I never breathed your air, or gazed into your eyes,

That doesn't mean I never "was"

An Angel never dies.